The Hamster Wheel

Like the mighty phoenix
Once again I rise from the flames set to destroy me & take flight
I am Stronger
Glorious
Powerful
Victorious

Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

I imagine that is how cancer survivors feel

After last week's disappointment I had two choices: bow in defeat or rise. I chose to rise...like the Phoenix.

"No more messing around"...That was my mantra this week as I confronted my pain and declared, "I will not go gentle into that good night."

I know I said I would never take an ice bath again, but desperate times call for squealing in ice water. Brian and I sat there, freezing our inflamed joints for 20 minutes while I read aloud the Newsweek magazine with Obama on the cover. My voice trembled as I tried to distract myself and Brian from the thoughts of ice crystals forming on our toes. We emerged numb and cold, but feeling better. The ice baths do really help, even if they are painful at first.

Due to the amount of pain I was in, I had been skipping my strength and cross training in hopes of speeding my recovery. Big mistake. I realize now, that strength and cross training are tools in speeding recovery and preventing further injury. So Monday, I worked my leg muscles with a strength training routine that our coach, Brett, showed me. Then I hit the elliptical for 30 minutes. I felt so tired, so drained, but I kept going.

I decided to skip hill repeats with the team on Wednesday and focus on getting myself running on flat ground. I went to the local park and forced my tired, sore legs to hobble at a slow, gentle jog. I had to walk for a bit to warm up, but I was able to run through the pain. It was bearable enough for me to complete 4 miles.

My confidence was coming back! I started to feel less sore as the week went on. I was eating better and getting more sleep. I realized that I needed to treat my body as an athlete's body. This means demanding better for myself. The discipline required to run this marathon has spilled out past the training days into my everyday life. I think about hydrating a day before my runs. I exchange parties for early bedtimes. Everything I do revolves around my runs. I can't believe this is me!

On Friday my sister, Diana, and her husband, Matt, flew us to Phoenix to celebrate my nephew's 1st birthday with my family. We got in at 8 pm, ate dinner and went to bed. We were up with the rugrats at 7:30 to go for our run. It was 110 degrees outside, so we had no choice but to hit the gym. That is where I found The Hamster Wheel... The tiny track squeezed the gym, requiring 12 laps to complete a mile. It laughed at us as if to say, "See if you can do this without losing count". I felt like a hamster in a wheel. During the first 3 miles, I fought off the insanity of passing the exact same point 36 times. I tried not to think that I would see the same weight set, same aerobics room, same staircase 144 times before I was through. This was a mental battle as well as a physical one. The good news was that I was running without any pain. This kept me going and pretty soon, I found my rhythm.

Brian zipped by with the occasional goose or pat on the back.
He lapped me more times than I care to mention, but I didn't mind. He inspired me to try harder.

I met a girl named Heather on the track. She was also training for an endurance run. She plans to run in the New York marathon in November. We ran together from mile 4 to mile 6. This was just what I needed to take my mind off the dizzying merry-go-round of a track we were on. I started to get more energy and felt my pace quickening. At the end of mile 6, we parted and she took on the treadmill for a while. Her timing was perfect. She got me over that hump. Thanks Heather!

At about mile #9 I started bargaining with myself. "Maybe I'll just do 10 miles," I thought. Once I got to 10, Brian ran by and asked if I was going to do 12. A breathy, "we'll see" blew out of my mouth. My legs were dumb to the running and I felt hardly any pain. My mind, however, was very aware of each lap. I developed a counting system on my fingers so I wouldn't lose track. Each lap was a step further than I thought I could go. Brian ran 14 miles in the time it took me to run 12. He actually completed his run 3 laps before mine was finished, so he ran beside me as I pushed myself past all my mental barriers. When I finally stopped, I couldn't believe what I had just done. Did I really run 12 miles?!? Why weren't my legs hurting? It was like a dream. I CONQUERED THE HAMSTER WHEEL!We left with enough energy to enjoy my nephew's first birthday party. It was a lot of fun! My sister made cakes that looked like baseballs. Jeffrey, my nephew, had cake all over his face. My niece, Sadie, and I decorated the house with streamers and balloons. Jeffrey handled himself in style. He wasn't swayed by the army of kids scampering around, popping balloons. All he cared about was mom and cake.

It was a pretty good day.

The Cheetah and The Snail

Above:
Brian and I after we got our jerseys at the May 17th kick-off meeting.
Seems so long ago!

As I hobbled into work today, I reflected back on the journey thus far. I am 2 months into training and have already had so many highs and lows. What lies ahead, I am not sure. I know how to find out, though. One foot in front of the other.

Saturday came too quickly after our first round of hill repeats on Wednesday. My knees felt like two thorny balls as I glanced out the window at the grey cotton sky. My task seemed less significant than that of my team mates. They were to run 12 miles today and I, a mere 7. I shook off the cobwebs and creaked into the kitchen to take my daily assortment of supplements and anti-inflammatories. The calcium pills we take look like suppositories, both in size and appearance. Peanut butter toast is a bit hard to chew with a mouth that is still half asleep, but the fruit helps it slide down.
Balboa Lake was overcast and cool. I could see the gratitude on my fellow runners' faces at the cooler temperatures. My trail was to be a little different than everyone else's due to the shorter mileage. I would have to swim upstream for the final two miles as everyone else took a second lap around the park. A bit of stretching and we were off!

Brian decided to stay back and run with me for the first 5 miles. He is working on his running technique, so he doesn't mind going slower. It felt so good to have him by my side as we ran. I miss out on his experiences usually because I am just not fast enough to keep up with him. Today I was slower than usual. My legs felt like they were stuck in molasses. We are like a cheetah and a snail on the trail together. The cheetah came back to bat the snail around a bit, then ran up ahead, then came back again to play.

I was talking to my body, "Go faster, legs...Stop huffing, lungs...Straighten up, spine!" All of them, lazy rebellious teenagers in the marathon lifespan, ignored my requests.

Brian literally hit an obstacle on the trail. If you want to know more about this, you'll have to read his blog. He paints quite a vivid picture.


We reached the 6 mile mark and my amazing husband and I parted ways. He was able to run at his normal pace now that the dead weight was removed. I took my bag of heavy bones back to the starting point. Other team mates seemed confused as I passed them going the wrong way. Their eyes said, "Poor girl must be lost". This didn't stop them from cheering me on as I passed! They are so supportive.

On my way back to the starting point / water stop I saw a fellow team mate, Tracy. She told me before that she thinks she is the slowest runner on the team. I don't know if that is true. What I do know, is that she has been such an inspiration to me. She and I are like the little engines that keep telling ourselves, "I think I can". She was rounding up to her second lap around. I saw her determined face and felt inspired. I decided to turn around and run next to her for a while. I suddenly forgot about all the pain I was in. I wanted nothing more than to encourage Tracy. Like me, she has dealt with a large helping of obstacles and keeps on going. We ran together for a bit and I turned around to head back again.

At the water stop I became the ice-pack clad cheerleader, welcoming my fellow runners as they turned the corner for the last stretch of the run. After the water stop, they only had 2 miles to go before they finished the big 12. I became fast friends with the water stop chief, Sue AKA Bucket. I asked her why they call her Bucket, she said it was a Vegas joke about the coin buckets. She was just adorable. She prompted us to make a tunnel for our team mates to run through as they went by.

After the running, Brian and I went home and took an ice bath. I believe it may be the last one I ever take. IT WAS SO COLD!!! This insane method was suggested to us by our coach and Brian's mentor. I suppose it was helpful, but I think I prefer ice packs. Brian didn't seem to mind it as much.

Ice and Aleve are my two new best friends. Check in with me next week, I will be up to the 9 mile marker! The rest of the team will be taking it easy and dropping down to 6 miles, so I should be able to catch up soon.

Thanks again to you all for your support. Remember, my fundraising deadline is August 1st (one week from now). I am at 1/4 my total goal, so now's the time! Some of you have chosen to split up your donations and give a little each payday. What a great idea!

Donate here